Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Problem with Crying

The problem with crying is that people think there's a problem with it. Crying is AWESOME! I don't do it very often, so when I get the chance, I immediately think of all the fun things I can use my tears for.

The first thing I do is lock myself in the bathroom and turn a hot shower on, because nobody in the world can see/hear what is about to happen. I try to bring some form of music in with me, but if not, I have to use my imagination. Now my bathroom has basically been transformed into a music video set, with all the smoke, bright lighting, and mirrors going on.

VoilĂ ! I am now Lady Gaga, on the set of Bad Romance.

"I don't wanna be friends... No, I don't wanna be friends... I WANT BAD ROMANCE! I WANT BAD ROMANCE!!"

On Pretend Music Video, no makeup is required when you have Cry Face. That being said, it really only works well with Cry Face, and only for sad or very angry songs. Songs that work very well are Unbreak My Heart, You Oughta Know, Out From Under and if you are a guy (which, for your sake, I am really, really hoping you are not. Like seriously, I don't care what the magazines tell you about girls wanting to see all the sensitivity. They lie. Stop crying.), The Scientist.

Another thing that can help you pass the time while everyone feels bad for you is to bring your camera in your cry hiding ("cryding") spot with you and take hilarious pictures.

My personal favorite is what I like to call "The Hideous Bog Creature". It's very simple. You just have to make a motorboat noise with your mouth, and take a picture very quickly in the midst of it. You are about to be entertained for hours. You don't actually need to be crying, but I think it gives it that extra... Le Hidéouse, you know what I mean?

For example, take this handsome, debonair fellow.

'What a fine young gentleman', you are thinking.

and then all of a sudden...BAM!

You see? In an instant, our elegant and beauteous Bond has become a Hideous Bog Creature!! In a few short moments, this could be you! Aren't the miracles of science fascinating? It's time we used the forces of winds and gravity to our comedic advantage. It's time we took science back.

Oh my God. Marty is asking me what I'm doing with this picture that I promised to delete and definitely not post on the worldwide web for the entire planet (i.e., my three followers) to see. I'm about the get the indian sunburning of a lifetime. Gotta run!

1 comment:

  1. This is the greatest picture ever take EVER! True Martin shines through! A picture this disgusting should never be deleted...just sayin